Just Jane

Dear...

Major saddness/funnieness when I found this while cleaning:

It's Gary again.  Well, it was rough tonight.  Holly kept picking me up and I was trying to sleep.  I hit my head off the glass.  Talk about major hurt.  Well, I'm starting to learn Portugese.  It's easy.  OK just reminder to everyone, DO NOT TAP ON MY GLASS.  It hurt my ears and puts me in a bad mood.  And if I'm sleeping, let me be.  Thanks, well I'm going for now.

Love, Gary

Front Page of My Paper Today

Shiites Take Over Iraqi City (Of course...Rockin many prayers to Armer Service and Our President's Brain)
Stupid North Korea Regrets Nuke Test
I'm a Loser (Seriously, it was front page.  Check it for yourself)
It's Good to Be Brad Pitt (I agree...May be better to be Angelina Jolie)
Ugly Cardinals Win the NCLS...(Pedro,it's time to retire)
Apparently, Dr. George is gay (yeah, didn't see that coming like I didn't see the cloudy sky this morning)
I'm Going Through Office Withdrawal  (Treatment forthcoming)
YouTube has Gone Hollywood  (Not sure how I feel about this)
Soduku Wallpaper?  (Just the beginning of all the great little boxes tormenting me like Tetris Does)

Clarification

My last post was somewhat downhearted...Still feeling majorly bad but the thing is that second paragraph has nothing to do with work/church, more relationships.  My opinion is that if somebody's sick/hurt/gravely ill and a person makes this big deal of it, it's for show.  It's the people who keep going back, day after day after day, when no one else is there that truly can say something.  It frustrates me to no end that we can be all up in arms, worried, making twenty phone calls then go virtually days without contacting or checking in with people.

Somehow, as bad as a friend as I am, I don't have people like this in my life.  I have people that fight for me, fight me for me, and generally love me when I don't deserve it.  Don't know why, just know I appreciate it, even when it seems like I don't. 

I'm glad I have a journal where I don't have to censor things.  That helps.  I was reading something on Dooce where she and Jon were interviewed for a newspaper and her relationship has grown through openness about her family.  Maybe and we'll leave it at that...

Going Down

Do you ever feel that there is no need to take your coat off because no matter if you do or not, you're going to have to run out the door to take care of some crisis or something?  Yeah, me either (yeah right).  Here I sit, warm house, and coat on simply because I know when I remove it, I'm going to have to throw it on and leave.  My Grandmother is profoundly ill.  She's a believer and to be honest, if her death is free from pain and misery it will be a blessing.  That being said, it still hurts.

There are a lot of other issues going on which I won't devulge, suffice it to say I hate knee jerk reactions.  Now, I can't say that I hate them necessarily but it does enrage me when the knee-jerk reaction is not met with response.  Alas, what can I do but live my life as blameless as I possibly can, fall at the feet of God, and accept His forgiveness and grace.  Nothing.

Good Comments

Last night at work one of my darling convicts said, "I never see you without a smile on your face." No need for unsmilingness when God is so good. 

The Lifestyle of the Dumb and Negative

    After an extremely bad (IE crying in front of actual people) 24 hrs, I woke up this morning, frozen to death.  To death.  Now, I was cold last night, but for reasons that only I know didn't care.  Anyway, I look at the thermometer, it's like 60 in my house.  I'm like, freak, the meter.  I don't know how to read a meter, let alone try and figure out which big time box downstairs is actually the furnace.  Frame this in this scenario:
    Yesterday morning, I woke up at 5ish, went running.  Because of my wonderful fun (no sarcasm, I'm serious) in the playground at Constitution park, I decided to stray from the main streets and run a trail.  I got home like 545 and was showering.  Noticed a trickle of blood down my left calf.  I was tired, so I put a small, round band-aid over where the blood was coming from, laid back down and went about my sleepiness.  Woke up say 9ish with major migraine symptoms.  Called work, said I'm going to either have to take a day or be late.  BOSS said, take the day off.  OK, went back to bed.  Woke up say 12ish, felt some better.  Called work, said, I can come in, just later.  BOSS said fine, come in at 5.  Took another nap.  Woke up at 230ish, feeling great.  Called BOSS, said can I come in earlier than 5.  After humming and hauling, she agreed.  (I really do like my boss)  Leg, where the bandied was was burning/itching/very painful.  Doused a gauze pad with hydro-cortisone and put it on my leg.  Then wrapped that in Saran Wrap, so whatever wouldn't spread.  All well and good.  Drove to work, in pain to the major.  Messed around at work for awhile.  Pain got to bad.  Decided that I would take the Saran Wrap off to look at it.  My leg is brown where the gauze pad was.  Like hardcore brown.  Asked boss...what do I do.  Go to the ER.  Went.  Freaking Doctor said that the brownness had been gone on for days.  WTC, it hadn't.  I swear.  I was so so so so mad.  Went back to work.  Asked Mrs. Clause if I could leave and go home.  She said sure.  Start crying.  Rockin co-worker hugs me, just want to sob but don't.  Work was insane so I stayed until shift was done.  Came home, still freakin killing me, but don't worry and house is freezing.  Like 55.  Thought nothing of it.  Realize, Eureka, it wasn't hydro-cortisone I put on my leg but some chemical Grandma and I used on the porch.  Chemical burn.  Freak you doctor. 
    Now, with that scenario in mind, I wake up...Freezing.  Thermostat wasn't even registering.  I'm like great.  Venture to the basement.  Can't figure out what is what.  I'm like "oh the church turned my gas off...Great."  Came back upstairs, messed around, put warm water in G's cage so we would eat a bit.  Decide to look at the thermostat a bit and wow, the switch for heat/AC is off.  Flip the switch, heat comes on.  I'm an idiot. 

Pleasures of My Time Here

Turtles can't talk, they can only write.  It's a wonder Gary didn't write in Chinese.
She kicked me in the bowel---I mean the bladder.
"The writing I understand that, but I don't know how he gets out."
Thanksgiving breakfast
Ronald McDonald; Hamburgular; Cookie Baker; sitting beside me at church
She's got jowels like a bulldog
"I swear to God Dawn, if you don't get her away from me, I'm going to kill her."
Driving to the house to pick up Moses' meds, then forgetting them and driving all the way back from Creation to pick them up.
Bev licking her fingers when she hears the sound of those wind pants.
Jones Soda
Helen Keller...
"stop intercoursing."
"Over in Hong-Kong
    Big 'Ol Woman come alone
    Take away my macho man
    Poor Poor Me"
Colossal nosebleed
"what you mean it's going to be like David and Goliath"
Superbowl party turning into Wrestlemania
H to the I to the double Z L E
Mad Mouse riding me to the verge of Yikesville at Hershey
Dairy Mart poop incident
Fireworks
Crunk, like Lil John

Where Are You Going?

Inspired by this:
"Where are you going? Where do you go? Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars If along the way, you are growing weary You can rest with me until a brighter day, and you’re ok..." (DMB)

    I really don't even like DMB, but I woke up singing this song today.  Now, I know in Christ we are new creations, right.  The old has gone and the new has come.  I know that.  I was thinking and actually experiencing some things though that sort of threw me off.
    My life is in flux at the moment.  Jobs, friends, experiences are ever changing and getting stronger.  I really think it's for the better.  To make it out there, I'm not leaving any job in the near future.  Changing expectations (mine), yes.  Leaving, no.  That being said, the person I have been, is the person I am.  I think when I started the church, I may have tried to be (or give the impression) that I was/am straight laced and what have you.  News Flash:  That's not me.  No, I'm not some societal deviant but I'm never going to be THAT girl.  You know why?  THOSE girls don't exist. 
    I enjoy having fun.  Karaoke night...A blast.  Working eight hours the next day...Not so much.  I like setting people up to be crazy.  It's fun for me to fantasize about wasabi and it's many uses.  I like to laugh until I pee my pants (even at some subjects that aren't "right").  I'm going to tell people never to drink and drive because the reality is when kids go to a party with alcohol, they're going to drink.  I know this.  All I'm saying is don't drive.  Call me.  I'll drive.  Line dancing...Great time. 
    I don't discount people for scrapbooking, knitting, or BINGO (ok, I love BINGO too), so isn't it OK for me to have my own brand of fun?  I mean, Jesus went to that wedding, he may have even (gasp) danced.  What's that Grey's Anatomy quote?  Oh, yeah, I remember:  "And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now."  If we live in this depressed funk, how can we truely show people God?  God is good...All the time.  If he's so good, I must have that attitude of happiness, of excitement about life.  Funks don't work.  If knitting makes you happy, knit.  Scrapbooking, scrapbook.  Me, I have a lot of things that make me happy.  That's OK too.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The Good
---"When he got to work, he said 'when I saw her, I could see a good time.'"
--- "You're sure you're not drinking.  Wait---maybe you have watah poisenin'." (accent included)
---  "I told dem we didn't need any of theih dihty money."
--- "You're oblivious, that's all."
--- Question:  "What's inhibit again?"  Answer: "Being smashed at Bourbon and lying in the middle of the street.
--- Hanging around with people who make me realize that I'm not as bad as most days living in the ghetto make me feel
--- "See if I ever take another f'ing picture for her again."
--- "Do you know you've been asked twelve questions in forty-seconds?"  "Nah, it's kind of like torture, once you endure it for so long your mind shuts down and nature takes over."  "Seriously, I've been sitting here listening to this for five minutes.  I just had to count.  Twelve in forty-seconds."
--- Being tired from actual interaction.
--- Family time with Grandma
--- Weight loss
--- Green Tea
--- Cute, little dogs (even though I hate the C word)
---  An explanation for the spells

The Bad
---  Favorites leaving
---  Homesickness
---  Losing critical papers
---  Meniere's Disease
---  Trite notes with no name
---  The lawnmower from hell
---  OCD
---  ADD
---  German women and Dutch boys
---  Making hard decisions
---  Anger resulting in serious injury

The Ugly
---  The possibility of breaking a car window
---  Being up all night worrying about keys
--- What Maryland is going to be when WVU gets done with them
---  The throw-up/snack cake that is permanently part of my car
--- "Gossip"
---  "If they do put your hand back together, I'll have to call for help because I can't watch it."
---  HMH

Not Sick But Not Well

    It's obviously been a long time since I've updated.  A lot has changed in the span of the past month.  Some good, some not so great, some just plain weird, and some things have been life altering-wonderful. 
    The weekend after I wrote that last rousing post my lovely aunts visited church when I was preaching.  When I stepped out and saw them, decked out in their "designer" hats all I could say was "Oh my God."  Yeah, not the greatest thing to say when you're about to preach.  I said it really loud too.  Alas, it's OK.  I was really glad to see them.  Hadn't seen Andie in about two years and the other two since Christmas.  Dawn was also with me that weekend so it was an overall good---hectic, but good weekend. 
    The next week flew by.  Working a lot.  I found out that I was going to be able to achieve a full-time position at Work.  Now, we all know I love both of my jobs.  This summer has been wonderful in many ways.  There are a lot more things that I wish I could have done but you know, just writing that sentence made me realize that I can only do so much.  I wish I had double the amount of time in a week or day and triple the energy but I don't and honestly, I do the best I can.  I never intended to not stick to commitments or not visit more people. 
    I then had the good fortune to go camping with Melissa and Lee.  They are both really cool, down to earth awesome people.  Plus they have really cute dogs.  Even I'll admit it, Gizzy and Izzy are cute.  Duchess, now she's a princess in her own rights.  Anyway, then I went up to their house the other day to hang out and that was cool too.  I'm a lucky person to have good friends. 
    Now, I've learned a lot about goal orientedness and such in the past week.  All work has evaluations and standards that the employees must meet.  These standards are imperative to meet company standards and in our case promote a safe environment.  I was doing OK until full-time hire.  However, I've had increasing anxiety over my abilities to be adept at my job lately.  I know I'm good at most things but there are days when I can't seem to put one foot in front of the other and have a normal day at work.  Let alone get to work on time.  It's all overwhelming and crazy most of the time.  Alas, I came up with a list of things to do when that alarm goes off.  Perhaps now I can get on with things and be there when I'M SUPPOSED TO!  Freakin loser I am. 
    Things are stable, OK...Just must remember to breath in and out, repeating when necessary.